Looking for a vehicle that will get you through a zombie apocalypse? Well, look no further than this customized Hummer is exactly what you’re going to need in your life. Looking like something that has come straight out of a zombie movie, mowing down walkers, this modified H1 is a real thing of beauty. But why make such a thing? And who has that kind of money for a zombie-proof vehicle?!
This behemoth of a vehicle is the brainchild of a company called Mil-Spec Automotive, based in Detroit. The whole ethos of this company is to create “re-envisioned vehicles” with a “military pedigree.” Well, they’re certainly ticking all the right boxes with this one. Aptly named #006, as it’s the sixth custom Hummer the company has made, this looks more like a tank than a car. However, it all started with a 1996 four-door H1… They just totally stripped it down and rebuilt the entire machine.
Built Again, But Better
While Mil-Spec Automotive may have put their Hummer H1 back together again, this was certainly no ‘Humpty Dumpty’ job. They’ve replaced the floor with a welded aluminum one (perfect for keeping out zombies), and swapped out the body panels with specially made aerospace grade ones. Whatever weight didn’t need to be there was stripped out, and then they ensured every aspect of the vehicle was toughened up. They’ve swapped the engine out with a 6.6-liter version from a 2006 Hummer to provide an impressive 500bhp. More than enough to escape a horde of zombies.
Of course, none of this comes cheap. Their sixth custom Hummer will cost you a total of $295,000 – which is no small sum. However, Mil-Spec Automotive have said that they are only building a total of 12 of these monsters, so we can see why the price tag is so high. Personally, we’re waiting for the one they’re going to call #007… For obvious reasons.
If you ever find yourself stuck in a field, surrounded by zombies, then this is the car you’re going to want to have on your side. Can we even call it a car? We prefer ‘beast.’
As parents, we generally tell our kids that they shouldn’t lie. Of course, it often ends up being more of a ‘do as I say, not as I do’ type scenario. That’s because lying can be very helpful to a parent, or just darn funny in some cases. Whether it’s a lie designed to make a kid stop asking silly questions or a lie told to get a chuckle out of a kid’s reaction, here are some of the most cunning and hilarious lies that parents tell their poor, unsuspecting children.
Well, It Was Technically True
It’s a very common lie to tell: “no Jimmy, your dog isn’t dead, he just ran away!” We can’t blame parents for this one, because no kid wants to hear that their pet passed away. But in this case, the parents may have technically been telling the truth.
After all, this story makes it sound like the cat really did run away, just back to its previous owners. Maybe the parents knew that it had gone back to them, and that was what they lied about?
The Evolutionary Process
So your kid wants to go to a certain section of the zoo, but for some reason you can’t make that happen. What do you do? Make up a ridiculous lie, of course! Kids will believe just about anything, you know?
Can’t see the apes for some reason? They all evolved into humans at the drop of a hat and left the enclosure, because that would be inhumane, right? Surely no child would doubt such a story, because why would their parents lie to them? Right?
Use Your Imagination
Adults barely force themselves to eat things they dislike. So it’s no surprise that parents and grandparents have a hard time getting kids to eat things they don’t want to eat. Usually, some sort of lie is required to get the job done.
Of course, it’s better to play long con lies in these situations. Otherwise, you get some very unhappy kids right after they finish their food and realize you were lying to them.
What’s Yours is Mine
Sometimes, you get presents. And they seem to be really cool presents, so you’re surprised. But then you get the feeling that ‘your’ present is really something for the whole family, meaning you’ve been lied to.
Well, at least it’s better than never getting to actually use the presents in question, right? You still get a part of it, just not as much as you really should have based on the false premise the parent offered you.
Keeping it Up
Is it surprising how often parents lie about dead pets? Probably not. That makes it a little weird that the lies themselves are still so varied. This one involves a parrot going to a hospital to have all of its feathers checked. Pretty smart!
Unfortunately, it seems that the parents weren’t able to keep up the charade indefinitely. Well, at least they managed to hold on for a pretty long time.
Origin of Jellyfish
Jellyfish are extremely strange creatures. That being said, we can’t really blame any child for wondering where on Earth they come from or what they really are. Apparently, some kids may be led to believe that jellyfish are made from dough.
Why you would tell your kid that, we have no idea. But it’s pretty funny nevertheless. Maybe it was part of some old folklore or something?
Allergic to Sweets, and the Truth
How do you get your kids to eat healthy? Just lie and tell them that they’ll die if they eat sweets. There’s totally not anything messed up about that, right? We understand that it’s important for kids to eat healthy, but this just seems cruel.
Well, at least they learned the truth of the matter sooner rather than later. Imagine going all the way to 18 without eating anything sweet based off of a lie like that!
Forgetting Something, Dad?
The thing about parental lies is that they often forget they were told at some point. But kids? The kids never forget. After all, the lies their parents tell them often shape their lives in some meaningful way, like preventing them from ever having pets.
Well, it’s just a risk that parents must be ready to embrace. If you can’t keep up with the web of lies, expect your kid to catch on eventually!
The Bread Bug
Some lies are less about the act of lying and more about parents just making up weird things. They’re not trying to deceive the kid so much as make them believe in magic or something. Or magic ladybugs that can create bread from thin air, presumably?
Again, we’re not sure what the point of convincing your kid of something like this would be. Maybe they just thought it was cute.
The Unseen Heroes
Speaking of lies parents tell their children despite there being no real reason to tell them, we have this one about people that hang out inside of monuments. It’s another lie that we don’t really understand the point of.
But hey, sometimes parents just want to make their kids believe something ridiculous, so they can laugh about it later down the road. Really, it’s a gross abuse of the trust children have in their parents, don’t you think?
Nothing Personal, Kid
There are times when a parent just needs a little bit of a break. The best way to get it can often be to just lie. If you come up with a really clever lie, you can score lots of free time to yourself. Or a few minutes at any rate.
Honestly, this ‘go find the toy I’m hiding’ trick is pretty nifty. Maybe all parents should make use of this scheme every once in awhile. Just don’t let the kid catch on too quickly, or it’ll lose all of its usefulness!
The Harsh Truth
We brought this up earlier, but it’s true: if there’s one lie nearly every parent tells their children, it’s that they can be anything they want to be. It sucks, but that’s just not true. Not everyone can be an Olympic athlete or a rocket scientist.
But there’s no need to tell kids that while they are still young. They have all of their adulthood to realize how depressing real life is, so let them enjoy their childhood.
No Scream for Ice Cream
Do you dislike it when your kids are yelling and screaming every single time the ice cream truck comes around? Well with the aid of one simple lie, you can solve that problem quite easily! This is actually the first of two lies on this list that do this.
This parent decided to tell their kids that when an ice cream truck plays music, it means they are out of ice cream. Although, that is kind of weird: why play happy music when they are out of ice cream?
Not all lies told by parents actually do anything bad to their kids. In fact, some lies have perfectly good intentions, like this lie right here. What better way to ensure that children actually put their seatbelts on?
We can’t help but wonder how long the kids would actually believe that lie. Sometimes they just never think to question it, so you never really know how long they could go on believing something that seems arbitrarily ridiculous.
Good, then Bad
Getting kids to eat their healthy food is tough, because usually it doesn’t taste good. So what do you do? Tell a lie that will convince them there is no alternative. Here is another lie told by a parent that fulfills that exact purpose, and it’s pretty clever.
Of course, this lie might not hold up if the kid every brings it up while they are at school, but hey, it should b viable for a few years at least, and we won’t say there’s no value in that.
When They’re Young
When a kid is young, they’ll believe just about anything. That’s why you should get all of your ridiculous lies out of they earlier in your child’s life. For instance, lie about the fact that their favorite cartoon characters aren’t real.
They won’t fall for it for long, but they will fall for it for a few years, so milk those likes for as long as humanly possible. Be greedy about it!
Not the Best Move
Every parent knows about the lie regarding Santa Claus and his overall existence. Nearly every parent tells their children that Santa is real. But what about when they start asking about the truth of the matter? Most parents admit that they were lying.
Other parents apparently tell their kid that Santa died. Because that’s apparently a better alternative. To each their own, but that seems like a wildly radical solution.
Waste of Money
We all know that some toys are really annoying. Fisher Price phones, anyone? But instead of telling your kid that there are no more of the special batteries and throwing the toy away, how about not buying those types of annoying toys in the first place?
After all, it seems like a pretty big waste of money to just chuck a toy you bought into the garbage. Especially these days, where some toys are pretty darn expensive!
The Long Con
If your kids are going to believe in things like the Tooth Fairy, you may as well make those beliefs work for you as a parent, right? Go ahead, tell your kids the Tooth Fairy won’t visit unless their rooms are super clean. Then you get clean rooms for no more than a quarter.
Of course, what do you do when your kids don’t have a loose tooth to offer up to the Tooth Fairy? Then you may not have as much of a strong lie in that case.
Lying for Kicks
As we’ve said previously, some lies don’t actually have a practical purpose: there are parents out there who just like to see what they can get away with. And why not? There’s some merit in that, isn’t there?
So sure, go ahead and convince your kids that zebras are just horses with stripes. It’s not like such a lie is going to ruin their worldview or anything. It can just be a funny joke somewhere down the line.
An Unforgivable Lie
Some lies are justified, some are pointless, and some are just cruel. Needless to say, telling your kid that beet pancakes are great and they have every reason to love them is just ridiculously cruel. Who really likes beet pancakes?
Well, someone out there probably does, but does any child? Really? We highly doubt it. Leading a poor innocent child into a trap like that really is cruel.
While some lies are harmless, a lie about knowledge a kid should probably know is a little less so. Sure, not knowing your capitals isn’t really going to hurt you in life, but it is going to make you look like a fool in front of all your friends.
In fact, when you think about it, isn’t there something a little messed up about adults manipulating the young and the clueless purely for their amusement?
What Do You See?
You can convince a young child of even the most over the top, ridiculous things. Tell them you know how exactly how many ants are in the world, or that you can see into their brain. They’ll believe you because they don’t know any better.
The lack of life experience is what makes lying to kids so amusing: they just flat out don’t know any better, and that makes it really easy to deceive them.
Who Would Do Such a Thing?!
Of all the lies you could tell your children, imagine trying to convince them that Oreos are spicy and disgusting. Really, that seems almost criminal! It’s like telling them that chocolate chip cookies are secretly raisins or something.
We just don’t know what could possess someone to say such terrible things to children. Really just seems like the act of someone who hates kids! And Oreos! And happiness, while we’re at it!
Smart kids are hard to lie to, but young ones are easy to fool. The best thing to do as a parent is take advantage of that while you have the chance to do so. Be like this parent, who gets their kids to bed early based on one lie.
After all, such lies will only work for so long. Eventually the kid will resist even if they believe you just because they don’t want to do something. So fool them with the easy things while you still have the chance to do so!
Pinnacle of Parenting
Every parent is capable of lying, but some parents manage to make it an art form. This guy, for instance, is so good at lying that was actually able to go to sleep while his kids were still awake. Now that’s some serious skill.
We should all hope to be as amazing a liar as that parent right there. Although, maybe we shouldn’t be admiring someone for being really good at lying. That does seem a little off base.
Say you have a little girl who doesn’t want to eat hummus. What’s the best way to fix that? A little white lie about hummus being princess food of course. Though admittedly, we’re not sure what princess food is even supposed to be. Cake? Parfaits?
One way or another, this just goes to show that there are dozens, maybe even hundreds of ways to lie in order to get your kid to eat food they don’t like.
Toddlers are Dumb
Toddlers are not very bright. That’s just how it is. When you haven’t lived on this Earth for a long time, it goes without saying that you don’t have much of an intellect. This means parents can easily take advantage of you.
In fact, toddlers are so dumb that they often get tricked by something that happens right in front of their eyes: like toast being flipped upside down. Well, we all have to start somewhere.
One of the joys of technology is being able to convince your kid that you have magic powers. Whether it’s unlocking car doors with a wave of the hands or starting up a TV show with well-timed theatrics thanks to auto play, you can fool many youngsters.
They’ll learn the truth eventually, but until they do, take pride in your ability to make those little gremlins look silly. Some parents need the confidence boost.
Sometimes, kids do stupid things. But you don’t want to tell them that the thing they are doing is stupid, because that’s just going to make them feel bad. When these situations arise, you just have to lie.
These types of lies are something that parents tend to tell their children at least once in their lives, usually in the younger years. Sometimes, you just have to protect them from the cruel, cruel world outside.
Hiding the Guilt
Parents often lie in order to protect their children, but sometimes, parents lie to protect themselves. Accidentally broke their favorite toy? Lie. Pet died unexpectedly? Lie. All of their chocolate is mysteriously missing? Lie.
It’s just a thing we do. Who can blame us, really? There are many situations in which lying is less hassle overall than telling the truth.
Dark and Twisted
We honestly feel that some parents see their children as opportunities to conduct twisted and evil experiments on the human psyche. Telling a five year old that she’s allergic to popsicles? That’s just messed up.
Kids will have plenty of time to be screwed over by life as adults. At least let them enjoy the time they do have as kids, why don’t you? Is that too much to ask?
Peak Parental Status
If you know how to work the game, lies can really get you ahead as a parent. Don’t like making breakfast? Well, don’t. Just convince your kids to eat cold toast: in other words, plain bread.
We have to admit, it’s honestly pretty impressive, the things that parents can get away with. Young kids really are some of the most naïve beings on the face of the Earth.
The Wife Ruined It
Generally speaking, parents tend to lie to their kids as a unit. They both agree to lie about something so they can stick to it. If just one parent lies, and at the expense of the other parent no less, things tend to fall apart pretty quickly.
After all, everyone knows that kids blabber about pretty much everything they hear. So you can’t expect them to keep a secret from the other parent for too long.
Setting a Reputation
Lies can be harmless if you want them to be. Instead of lying to deceive your kid, lie to make yourself look cooler to all the other kids that your young kid hangs out with.
Of course, maybe there’s something not altogether positive to say about wanting to look cool in front of a bunch of four year old kids, but hey, everyone wants to look cool to someone. That’s just human nature.
Here’s our second story about ice cream trucks and stopping kids from freaking out over them. Just don’t let them know that they are ice cream trucks in the first place, right? They’re not ice cream trucks, they are music trucks!
And because they are kids, that will make perfect sense to them. Poor kids, not even getting to enjoy ice cream trucks for a whole year. That’s one of the joys of being a kid.
What’s the Difference?
Kind of like the first story, here we have another lie about a kid’s pet. Except this time, the pet really did die. Oops. You know how it goes, the pet dies, the parent can’t find an identical replacement, the kid notices, and they have to lie about it.
At least this parent came up with a lie that is, honestly, not that hard to believe. As a matter of fact, it almost sounds like it could be a real fact. Lots of gullible adults would probably buy it too.
By Another Name
Sometimes, the only thing that matters is the name. Maybe your kids hate Brussel sprouts. That’s understandable. But maybe they are OK with cabbages. So, just call the Brussel spouts baby cabbages. Problem solved.
They say that most battles are won in the mind. So if you win the mental battle with your kids, most of the struggle is already over. At least, so long as they can still be fooled.
Two for One
It’s a terrible situation that kids born near Christmas face everywhere. Parents just lump your birthday and Christmas together. Everyone else gets presents twice a year, but you? No, not you, late December to early January babies. Not you.
Sometimes, parents just admit to their crimes all gung-ho style. Sometimes, they make up a lie to try and convince their kids that they aren’t being cheated. This is one of those times.
Saving the World, One Hour at a Time
Getting kids to go to bed is tough no matter the situation. But if you are a cunning liar, you can find ways to get around it. Convince your kids that they are doing the world a favor by going to bed early. If they are altruistic, it just might work.
Besides, Daylight Savings is an easy way to fool your children, because the whole concept is pretty confusing even for a lot of adults. It’s easy to make use of that.
Fool Me Twice
When we say that kids will believe almost anything, imagine convincing one that you literally can’t read. And then, when they catch you in the act, you manage to convince them that you can only read certain particular things and nothing else. Wild.
Still, it might be a bad idea to convince your kid of that. Imagine him going around school, telling all of his friends that his dad can’t read.
Silence by Fear
Need to get your kid to be silent? Lies are sometimes the best way to achieve that. Just make them think that something bad will happen to them if they don’t stay quiet. What? No, of course that’s not cruel or unusual!
Besides, it’s kind of funny to think that there’s a kid out there afraid of a James Bond style ejector seat throwing him out of the car. The thoughts in his poor head are probably priceless!
Just to Scare You
Sometimes, a parent tells a lie just to get a laugh out of it. They’ll tell their kid something scary just for kicks, which is admittedly pretty cruel, but also still pretty funny. May as well take advantage of their naïve nature while it still exists.
Still, there’s something kind of messed up about scaring a kid into thinking they will be hurt or deformed somehow. We’re not sure if we can really say that’s alright.
Potty Training Made Easy
Potty training a kid is honestly one of the worst parts about raising them. But with the power of lies, you may actually be able to make the process easier. It’s just a matter of getting them to believe in the imaginary dire situation.
Of course, it could also backfire. If the kid believes they are out of diapers, maybe they would just do their business right on the floor or in their clothes instead? Yikes.
Facts of Life
This isn’t so much a specific lie told by one parent to their kid, but rather a lie that nearly all parents tell all of their children. It kind of goes hand in hand with “you can be whatever you want to be.” When kids ask why they have to obey, we tell them they can do whatever they want when they are adults.
And then we giggle to ourselves internally, knowing that taxes exist. And jobs. And laws. Silly kids, thinking there’s any escape.